Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
