i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
