I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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