I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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