Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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