im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I understand Curling. That high.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
