I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
