she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
