I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
