Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
