The maid of honor just puked.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
