Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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