Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
