tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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