is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
