I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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