Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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