Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
