I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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