Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
