I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
