i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
