Just cropdusted the office
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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