I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Found the puke drawer
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
