he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
