Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
