i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
