Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
