I just made out with a guy for $7.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
