i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I need a burrito and a hug.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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