Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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