Pants 0. Shit 1.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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