I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
