On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I am full of burrito and curiosity
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
