Tell her she can't have a vagina
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
