When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
