this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
This house was built for laser tag.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
