Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
