Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
