cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
