I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
MIDGETS
????
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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