your parents love me but you hate me
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
