there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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