She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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