Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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