If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
