So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
