once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
