so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
