Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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