Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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