I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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