Sry I called you an 8
I'm jealous of your bromance
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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