the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
